To My Reviewer

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Dear Sir,

A kind gentleman delivered a copy of your fine pamphlet entitled "A Visit to High Kinlord Rilis XII's Court." In this magnificent volume, you demonstrated your masterful vocabulary whilst describing the various foibles of my liege's court.

I was particularly fond of your kind praise of my jesterly performances, especially the act you described as "abominably distasteful" and "prurient nonsense." I applaud your honesty and forthrightness. Like any great artist, I can appreciate the constructive criticism.

I would like to invite you to my lodgings. Upon your arrival, I will throw you down a flight of stairs repeatedly. My goal is to break your neck, and to see the last flicker of life extinguished from your vast, empty eyes.

Yours respectfully,

Falarel